Ruth started counseling at The Shepherd’s Staff in 1981…which happened to be the year I, Branden, was born.

I was fortunate enough to work alongside her at The Shepherd’s Staff from 2012 to 2017, where I can say I learned most of what I know about being a professional counselor. Ruth was pivotal in that. She was like a sage, grandmother, friend, colleague and mentor all wrapped up in one person. She could say hard truths with a soft, sweet Texas tone (sometimes I thought the sweeter the tone the harder the truth). When I left The Shepherd’s Staff to work somewhere else, she was one of my biggest advocates. I never once questioned whether or not she had my back and valued my presence.

Ruth passed away this week, and the loss of someone like her is really hard for me to imagine or accept. So…welcome to me shedding some of my tears by letting you know some of the things she passed down to me. Here are just a few of the gems she put in my pocket as we worked together.

Always wear cowboy boots
One of the things she loved about me in my interview was that I was wearing western boots. After I had been brought into the group, and found out what a safe community of therapists they were, I told them the truth about those boots. I was feeling so insecure going into that interview that I stopped at a store on my way there and bought my first pair of Ariats (definitely not my last). She was able to laugh with me, rather than at me. Later, she pulled me into her office and pulled out the card that comes with a good pair of boots, which lists out how and why they’re so durable. She asked, ‘Why do you think I wear these boots that can withstand high acidity in my counseling office?’ I replied with a look of confusion… ‘So I can walk through everybody’s bullshit’ she said with a wink. If you knew Ruth, you know this was profoundly true of her…

God’s going to give you what you need, when you need it
Early on in my practice, I was struggling to retain many self-pay clients, which meant I wasn’t making much money to support my family of 6. I was letting her in on this fear as I was leaving work one day. I vividly remember standing at the entrance to our waiting room, telling her how scared I was, and she replied with something to the effect of ‘God will give you what you need, sometimes that’s a lot of work, and sometimes that’s a time to rest.’ I believed her and haven’t doubted that since. I knew I’d be alright because Ruth knew I’d be alright.

Hospitality can heal
There are more occasions than I can recount where Ruth showed up with her famous Strawberry cake, a hug, a word, an invitation… She was hospitable through and through. The simple and profound act of giving love to me, without ever wanting anything in return, was possibly one of the most healing things which occurred to me in the last decade.

Always be yourself
When I left TSS, Ruth arranged for everyone to write me a note (which I keep on my desk to this day and read when I need to remember truths about myself). Her note was the shortest.. “Thank you for being here. Thank you for being real. Mostly, thank you for being you!”
Ruth taught me that the most valuable thing I offer this world is presence. She believed this in her faith, her counseling theories, and in her practice. She even believed this about me when I was getting sober from alcoholism, which was a time when I felt most split from myself and on the verge of losing my mind. She, and so many others, were a buoy in those terrifying waters. Because I knew I could be myself with her, because she was safe and accepting, was the exact thing that allowed me to heal and become myself.

Do more than talk
Plenty of therapists can talk a big game, say the right thing, or wax eloquent about helping others. Ruth did it. She wasn’t afraid to take on the bullies. Wasn’t afraid to go to court. Wasn’t afraid to face down the abusers. Or maybe she was afraid and didn’t really show it… Either way, she was brave as hell. She taught me that it’s okay to speak soft words without being soft. She helped me find my identity as a counselor who can advocate for the good of others.

There’s so much more I could say about Ruth. I’m terribly sad to be writing this tribute to someone who meant so much to so many. I’m so grateful to have known Ruth and to have been loved by her.