Recently, I was on one of our Men’s Coaching Retreats where we utilize rock climbing to help us to better understand what it is in our life that’s holding us back and keeping us from living the life we most desire.

Combining the challenges of rock climbing with the trust built amongst the participants as we belay, encourage, and support each other always leads to insightful fireside conversations. To be honest, I’ve probably learned as much from the guys I’m leading on these retreats as I’ve ever learned in any class I’ve been in. This retreat was no different.

As we were talking about what’s keeping us stuck and what we need in order to move through it, one of the guys brought up the idea of needing to practice this new way of living. Then the next guy brought up the idea of needing to train rather than try.

Train, rather than try.

This was exactly what I’ve needed to hear. I instantly thought about how I started to intentionally train my body to be healthy after some heart issues put me in the hospital. I do strength training most days, engage in cardio, take supplements and meds, and try to eat healthy food to fuel my body. I’m intentional with this, keep track of it, record and celebrate progress, etc. I’ve done the same with training to play instruments, write, paint, grow in my vocation, and on and on.

Which led me to the question: why haven’t I done the same with the way I engage relationships?

I’ve left retreats, counseling sessions, church, intensives, and trainings with all kinds of new ideas to ‘try’ in my marraige, parenting, and friendships. But I’ve never sought to train myself in these areas.

So when I drove home I started to think it through. What would training look like for me to become a better husband and dad? How can I put the same practice and energy into becoming the kind of husband I want to be that I put into creating the kind of body I want to have? What do the daily reps look like?

I’m starting to put some ideas on paper and then I’ll put those ideas into practice. As my friend and co-leader Bill Blair always says,

Practice doesn’t make perfect. Practice makes permanent.

I’ve been practicing a lot of relational habits that lead to behaviors, attittudes, and consequences that I don’t like. It’s time to implement some new practices.

As you think about this in your own life, what are the relational, emotional or attitude patterns in your life that you’ve been practicing for a while that aren’t working out the way you want? How can you imagine your life looking different and more fulfilling in that area?

Now, what would a training regimine look like? What practices do you need to engage consistently and how many reps of that practice can you do daily?

If you feel stumped, bring it up with some trusted friends, a counselor, or sign up for one of Rocks to Rivers men’s or women’s retreats.

Anything can be changed in your life, but it will take training, not just trying.