One of the weirdest experiences of college, surprisingly, was returning home for breaks. To break this newly crafted routine I made all on my own away from home or parents and be back where many still saw me as a kid was so difficult. So many mixed emotions came up: happy to be with my family, sad or excited to get a break from my friends, fears about talking to family about grades or relationships, fears i would lose friends over the break from not living next door to them, confusion on if I needed to ask my parents to leave the house or if I was allowed to do things without asking first, and so many more.

I understand for some, going home isn’t as simple as moving back in with your parents in your home town for a few weeks. This experience could be much more frightening, anxiety-inducing, and complex for someone returning to an abusive, broken, toxic or unaccepting home. I completely hear and empathize with those whose safety or personhood is jeopardized when returning home for the holidays too. Leaving college for a few weeks may also mean leaving your routine, which between the ages of 18-24 is very necessary for our wellbeing and emotional stability. Thankfully, there are some things we can do to preserve what we have built at college for ourselves and to better interact with others while we are home.

1: Identify aspects of your routine at school and attempt to preserve those at home. These aspects can range from fitness routines, spiritual or religious routines like church or devotional time, social routines such as meeting a friend or group for coffee or lunch, or sleep and eating routines such as having a specific bed time or eating schedule you like and want to continue.

2: Have a conversation with those you will be staying with on the expectations surrounding coming and going and the communication needed to convey that. We aren’t in high school anymore once we begin college and in most states we are now adults as well. But for the break, we also aren’t at college anymore where we can easily and no questions asked get Cookout at 1 AM. Having a conversation with the family members or people you are staying with that brings clarity to the expectation of “asking permission” or curfews can be very helpful in alleviating any stress or confusion.

3: Create a routine for keeping in touch with your college friends. Maybe it is to facetime with your roommate or suitemates, maybe it is to make sure to check on your big or little once a week, thinking through and creating a habit for reaching out during breaks may help with any fear that you may be forgotten or lose friends during the break and can help to continue to grow those friendships as well.

4: Should safety be of concern when returning home, consider a safety plan and identify safe family members or friends you can rely on should you need to seek different accommodations or refuge, physically or emotionally. Maybe it is an aunt in the next town over or a friend you went to high school with; identifying a safe third party that you can come to while at home can help in preserving or creating stability should anything happen that jeopardizes it. If your family is unaccepting or hateful of parts of your identity such as religion, gender or sexual identity, or views on humanity, try to seek out time with individuals or groups where you can be yourself whether it is with family or not.

5: Create self-care plan for your body, mind, and soul. Kind of along the same lines as suggestion #1, carefully consider ways you can take care of yourself during this break. Take notice to the ability and opportunity you have to rest from studies or slow down on studies and be with family and also take into consideration you are in a weird spot of uprooting from your life at college for a few weeks. Take a walk, eat home cooked meals, take a long bath, reconnect with your high school friends, attend a religious service with family or on your own, go hunting, look at christmas lights with friends, we have to make effort to care for ourselves.

To wrap up (pun definitely intended): the holidays, though a time of good cheer, can be so hard and confusing especially when we put our lives at college on pause. Take rest in the fact that you are not alone in this and every single college student has done what you are about to do: uproot and go back home. What can feel like regression into high school ways or mentality can also provide us with a rich opportunity to practice what we have crafted for ourselves at our college homes in a place where we were once (and may still be viewed) as kids.

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