Create an Emotional Budget
/Imagine going into a meeting with your accountant and handing them a spreadsheet that shows you spend 7 times as much as you make. For every dollar you earn, you spend 7. I imagine they’d look at you and tell you point blank that you’ve got a really serious problem. You’re on the brink of bankruptcy if you keep this up.
But when a friend asks us how we’re going and we list out all we have going on, how we haven’t been able to sit down for days or weeks, and how exhausted we are from all the busyness… They typically just nod their head in agreement, or maybe eek out a ‘same here’. What’s worse, this is often prized or praised in our society of always-on, ever-busy life!
Most folks that walk into my office are emotionally bankrupt.
Their emotional cashflow is close to a 7 to 1 output to input ratio. Usually, I’ll draw this out on a marker board, naming all of those outputs (work, marriage, kids, chores, finances, family, work, volunteering, friends, and whatever their current crisis), and then marking them with a 1 to 5 scale of energy given.
Contrasted with this are the inputs. We honestly assess what they get back from what they give to those outputs. For instance, maybe they’re putting a lot into their marriage (5 out of 5) but they’re not getting much back (1 out of 5). After we go through those outputs, we add whatever inputs they may have in their life (exercise, hobbies, things that bring energy).
I’ve never had anyone come into my office with this ration balanced, much less anything close to having more input than output.
So what do you do when you’re emotionally bankrupt? Well…first, you’ve got to stop spending. Which requires that dreaded word…no. Write out a list of things that are outputs. What is feasible to say no to? Pro tip: You’ll probably say you can’t give up anything, which is when you need to ask a trusted friend for help.
After you slow down the outputs, start looking for inputs you need in your life. I’ll say it again though…if you have no margins, you can’t say yes until you start saying no.
In this case, quitters always win, or at least have more margin to work with.
And this doesn’t have to be huge. You don’t have to say yes to training for a marathon you’ll run in 6 months. It could be as simple as, I’m gonna take a walk 3 times a week and listen to music…or I’m going to switch my podcasts from the news to something that makes me laugh…or I’m going to slow down and enjoy my lunch break rather than rushing through it. Small shifts today make for big, sustainable outcomes down the road.