How to journal (or how to start)
/This is a resource page for folks who are interested or curious about journaling. For myself, (Branden) it took a while before journaling became a consistent part of my routine, and today it still comes and goes. So, let’s get a few things on the page before we start talking about specifics.
First, there is no ‘right’ way to journal. Nor is there a wrong way. There may be more or less helpful ways, but whatever works for you is what works for you.
Second, journaling is not like reporting the weather. It’s not a list of what you did or did not do in any given day. Consider it to be more along the lines of investigative journalism, you’re digging into a story, which happens to be your own.
Third, and final for this soapbox, journaling is simply a way in which you can better know yourself - it’s about giving attention to you, and externalizing what is going on internally.
In this post, I’ll set out some ways to move into journaling, none of which are better/worse nor are they exclusive. My encouragement is to give yourself some time and space to try it out. Allow yourself to suck at it - to have no idea what you’re doing or whether or not it is or isn’t helpful. Do that for a while and then consider whether or not you find it beneficial. If it is, great, keep doing it. If it’s not helping, great, stop doing that and try something else.
For Starters
The simplest and most effective journaling prompt I’ve come across, and which I still often use in my own life, is this:
Because __________
I think ________
I feel _______
I want _______
As you write out whatever comes into your mind with each line’s prompt, give yourself enough space to try things on. I’ll often write out whatever pops in my mind with absolutely no filter (which is why no one should have access to your journal), and then figure it out as I go. Often, I find that I’ll write a thought down and realize it’s totally ridiculous, which allows me to let it go and move on to the next thought.
Typically, as I write, I feel surprised by what comes out. Essentially, with a circumstance or situation, write about all of the thinking you have around it - from the reasonable to the completely irrational, and then do the same with emotions and desires. It’s important to be unfiltered and allow yourself to find it out as you go. By the end of your time you should have a much better notion of what you actually think/feel/want.
Journaling is not about ‘knowing’ something and putting it on paper, but about using pen and paper to ‘find out’.
At first, if you’re anything like I was, your emotional vocabulary may be very limited/stunted. There was a time when I needed a chart, like the one below, to help me look at in order to find words to express what I was feeling.
Body Prompt
Sometimes we feel it physically before we understand it emotionally. I’ll often start with a body scan (close your eyes and notice what you physically feel, one area of your body at a time, from the top of your head to the bottom of your feet). Then I’ll put that sensation under a microscope and write about it. What does it feel like? How long has it felt that way? Is there another time I remember feeling that sensation? Typically, this leads me to listen to my body, which is trying to tell me something. Again, journaling isn’t about knowing, but about finding out, so I’m seeking to find out what it is my physical self is telling me about my mental/emotional self.
From there, you may want to practice some guided relaxation or meditation (if it’s stress induced), or you may want to just notice it and move along with your day. Be curious and open. Listen well with your paper and pen.
“Why is that Important to Me”
This is going to sound a bit ridiculous, but I can’t tell you how many times it’s helped me get underneath an issue to a place of deeper understanding. When you find yourself hung up on something or someone, write out the situation/issue you find yourself tangled up in.
Then, ask yourself ‘why is that important to me’ and write out whatever comes to mind, finally summarizing that thought into a sentence or less of ‘it’s important because _____’.
Then ask ‘Why is that important to me?’ and write out your answer for however long as needed and summarize again.
Then, for a third and final time ask ‘Why is that important to me?’ and write for a while longer.
Yep. I’m actually telling you to ask ‘why is that important to me?’, and after three rounds you’ll probably have a pretty decent idea as to what’s at the core of the issue for you.
Gratitude
We tend to think of journaling as focusing on problems, issues or internal dilemmas. But that’s only one aspect of how it can be useful. It’s all about noticing, listening and paying attention - which you can do with the lighter/positive stuff as well. In fact, one of the most helpful things I did while getting sober was to keep a gratitude journal (per my sponsor’s suggestion). Every night I would find three things that I could be grateful for. Including, things about myself. Or nature. Or music, friends, food, humor, etc., etc., etc.
Not only does research show this to be one of the most effective ways to change our thinking, but it’s a practice that continually expands on itself. You get to create a positive feedback loop instead of getting stuck in the mud of negative thinking.
Sketch then Write
Sometimes I get so mixed up or overwhelmed that I don’t even know where to start with words. So I just doodle or scratch out some images, shapes, feelings, etc. I don’t know what I’m drawing or why I’m drawing. Sometimes, not all the times, this helps to get my brain unlocked and free enough to start sorting through the thoughts and emotions. Sometimes, just a word pops up as I sketch, so I write out that word. Sometimes that word leads to other words, sometimes not.
Responsive Journaling
You may (or may not) have something you read to start your day (a daily meditation, book, devotional, etc.). I find it very helpful to read and then respond on paper with my thoughts, feelings and desires. Sometimes I’ll disagree or argue with the thing I read. Sometimes the thing I read turns into a prayer or a poem. And at other times, what I read turns into little or nothing. Again, there are no grades or requirements.
You may want to do the same with songs. Listen to a song, with or without the lyrics in front of you, and then respond on paper to what you heard - what line stood out to you, what grabbed you/annoyed you/inspired you/pained you? Spend some time noticing all of that; where it’s coming from, what it feels like, what it reminds you of.
Letter Writing
If you find yourself struggling with how you feel towards someone, or stuck in past hurts, or hung up on something someone did/said/didn’t do….you may want to write them a letter.
BUT DO NOT GIVE THEM THE LETTER
This letter, at least this first draft, is for you and you alone. It’s meant only to help you understand what you think/feel/want. It is not meant to communicate that to the person. In time (and I’d encourage some outside guidance on this), you may or may not want to pass an edited version of this letter along. But for now, write a letter with absolutely no intention of giving it away, that way you can be honest and say whatever it is that you feel the need to say.
An initial prompt can be something like this: “________, my experience with you has been …”
Prompted Journaling
Pretty much every bookstore now has a journal section, and often has a section of journals that include prompts. This can be a great way to get going and get comfortable with the practice.
Clever Fox is a company that has an assortment of really well-done prompted journals. I’m not a paid affiliate, although I’d be happy to be one if they come across this. Below is a link.
FAQ’s
How long does it need to be? Maybe a little longer than you feel like writing. Or not. Length is not as important as getting a better sense of yourself.
Can I use my phone, or paper and pen, or voice notes, or…..? Essentially, whatever helps you process information is fine. However, there is some good research on this and it seems to consistently find that writing with paper/pen is more helpful because it slows you down (most of us write slower than we type).
How often should I journal? Again, maybe a little more than you’re comfortable with but not so much that it bores you or feels like a chore. If you struggle with feeling like you’re not doing it ‘right’, well hey, that could be a great prompt for further journaling.
When should I journal? Guess what….it’s up to you, again. There’s no right or wrong. I enjoy journaling best in the morning when my mind is fresh, but there are some days when I pull out a journal midday to write out what’s going on, as well as at night. Whatever and whenever works for you is just right.
Should I keep my journal private? As with every FAQ, this is up to you. I’ve had a lot of clients who bring in their journals to sessions because they feel it helps them in their processing. I’ve also used my journals to help my family/friends know me better. But, I’d say don’t share everything with everyone. If you write something you absolutely cannot imagine someone ever reading, tear it out and burn it or shred it. This whole thing is for you, not someone else.